One of the most important relationships a girl can have in her life

By Laila Muhammad | Last updated: Mar 25, 2013 - 10:20:07 AM

What manner of Man … is this?

“Many women to whom I have preached the doctrine of freedom have weakly replied, ‘But who is to support the children?’ It seems to me that if the marriage ceremony is needed as a protection to insure the enforced support of children, then you are marrying a man who, you suspect, would under certain conditions, refuse to support his children, and it is a pretty low-down proposition. For you are marrying a man whom you already suspect of being a villain. But I have not so poor an opinion of men that I believe the greater percentage of them to be such low specimens of humanity.” ―Isadora Duncan, My Life

One of the most important relationships that a girl can have throughout her life is with her father. Having a father is the first relationship that a girl has with a male, and is very crucial. Without this stable relationship, daughters are forced to form their own opinions of how a relationship with their spouses should be, and this sometimes leads to tragedy.

As little girls, we spend hours playing house, cooking pretend meals, and taking care of babies. We dream of a Prince Charming coming to rescue us from our dreadful lives, with overbearing and strict parents. We imagined someone who would cater to our every need, who would buy us enormous quantities of jewelry, make up, exquisite clothes, and all we had to do was remain pretty. As we got a little older, we read Harlequin romance novels that promised us our soul mates, and we would remain in bliss for eternity. In adulthood, we somehow, subconsciously, ended up choosing men like our fathers, or whatever male father figure that was in our lives.

Often even if we had a father in the home, they seemed to struggle with being a good role model of the type of man we should choose. Well at least mine did, besides the occasional “hey man, how you doing,” he never really seemed to inquire about the boyfriends my sisters and I brought home.

His rule was simple … you come home pregnant and I’m kicking you out. If you don’t believe me ask my once 15 year old sister who came home and told him she was pregnant, and he told her to pack her bags, and sent her to live with her mother. Fast forward 12 years later, listening to him reminisce about our childhood this situation came up, and without trying to rehash old feelings, and guilt trips, he apologized for his mistakes, for not being a more present father, and he said something profound: “I raised my children the way I was raised, that’s all I knew … .”

This was one of those rare moments when parents tell their children about the pain of their childhoods. He told us how he moved from foster home to foster home until age 16, then he finally went on his own, how he married my mom when she was 16, and they were married for 16 years and bore and raised the 5 of us. How he didn’t meet his father until he was in his late 30s, and his mom died around the birth of his third child.

Don’t get me wrong, my father did the best he could. He worked two jobs, kept a roof over our heads and food on our tables, but like most men of his time, he was emotionally unavailable when it came to nurturing us. He never discussed the Birds and the Bees, babies or men. So I found it a little unfair the way the whole situation with him and my youngest sister went down, after all, she was never given the method on how to properly choose a mate.

But one day, I met a man, who was taught by a man, who was taught by a God, and through them we are given a prototype of the type of man we should want as a Husband. The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan is That Man!

The gospel according to Matthew 23And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him. 24And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, so that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep. 25And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish. 26And he said to them, Why are you fearful, O you of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm. 27But the men marveled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!

I’m appealing to all men, take a stance in your children’s lives. Be the type of fathers that will produce strong, healthy, stable women … this will contribute to a strong sovereign Nation, we can all be proud of.

May Allah bless you all with the light of understanding.

Laila Muhammad is a Chicago-based writer and videographer.

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