My journey through grief

By Michelle Beckwith | Last updated: May 2, 2014 - 5:51:29 PM

Michael Raynold Beckwith (11/4/89-11/26/04) and his mother Michelle 2X Beckwith.

I would like to thank Minister Farrakhan for his inspiring words in his lecture titled, The Cause and Effect of a Violent Society.” In that address, he stated that for every mother that lost a child, “we who are here today feel your pain.”

He continued, “Although we are trying to be good righteous people; go to church; pay tithes; do what good parents should do, some of us lose faith in God when a misfortune comes. We can never bring back what we lost. We have to ask the question, ‘Why should this come into my life?’ Why did God permit this? If these children had not died, would we be here? It is only when something affects children that it wakes us up to something terribly wrong!”

On November 26, 2004 I asked myself the same question “Why should this come into my life”? Why was my son, Michael, shot and killed? I went to church, paid tithes, was a good parent, but what I didn’t do was lose faith. So when some asked ‘where is your faith’ or said, ‘seek refuge in Allah’ that’s just what I did.

If my son had not died would I be in the Nation of Islam? The Minister is so correct when he asked, ‘would we be here’? He is also on point when he pointed out something has gone terribly wrong. What is this wrong and how do we correct it?”

I think the answer is one that I had printed on my son’s headstone “and a child will lead them.”

Every time we lose a young person to the violence out here in the streets, it should repeatedly wake us up. I remember a dream I had where my son came to me. He took me to a grave. In that grave were many children laying on beds and their parents were their sitting on the side of there beds as I was with my son. In my dream my son said to me ‘Mom our blood cries out from the grave. We were innocent children. How many more will you let suffer our fate?”

In his lecture, Minister Farrakhan said “Your child, your friend did not die in vain. Every life with God is sacred! And those children that lost their lives are martyrs for the Cause of Justice and Peace and Non-Violence! Every child is a gift from God. Not only to the mother, father, family, community, nation and to the world!”

I want to share what Allah (God) has done for me concerning my tragedy. I would not be here today if it was not for these Teachings. There are no adequate words to explain how these Teachings saved my life. The grief of this incident and losing my son was supposed to kill me but instead it gave me life. “Why should this come into my life?” the Minister asked. To give me life is my response. Even though the life of my son was lost, my life was saved.

Minister Farrakhan also said, that nothing advances in civilization without the sacrifice of life. He referred to the life of Jesus: He had a mother that nurtured him; he came from among a people that evidently were not so good, because the scripture says, “Can any good come out of Nazareth?” Yes. Of course good did come, but that good died young.

I am so grateful to these Teachings, grateful to be an M.G.T. and grateful to be able to write this. My story is one that mirrors the life of Mary and Jesus. My son had a mother to nurture him and he came from a group of people the young people, in South East San Diego, that have also been labeled not so good. So my question is, can any good come out of the youth in the streets of Southeast San Diego? Of course it can and it has. A lot of those who have died young, like my son and they are our martyrs in the Cause of Justice and Peace and Non-violence. Like Jesus they died a violent death, so that others might have a right to the tree of life.

So I ask Allah that I may be worthy of this calling and be the M.G.T. He has called me to be and also to honor the legacy of my son Michael Raynold Beckwith (11/4/89-11/26/04).

Every mother that has brought forth a child, that child came through you, but not from you. Since it is God who gives life, then He permits life to be formed in your womb and to God is the return of that life.

So I thank Allah for the gift of my baby boy, Michael. I thank Allah for loaning Mikey to me to love and take care of for 15 years. So now I give him fully back to you, Allah, with the assurance that he has returned to his Maker and close this chapter in my life with thanksgiving and simply ... Ameen.

Sis. Michelle 2X, is a member of the Nation of Islam and attendsMuhammad Mosque #8 in San Diego, Calif.

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