Throw away, give away, and keep...

By Laila Muhammad | Last updated: Apr 3, 2014 - 9:55:30 AM

When it becomes more difficult to suffer than to change ... you will change.
—Robert Anthony

“I suppose that I did for myself what psychoanalysts do for their patients. I expressed some very long felt and deeply felt emotion. And in expressing it I explained it and then laid it to rest.”
―Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

Spring is finally here, and I’m pretty sure most of us are putting away winter clothes, shovels and all of our snow gear. We are unpacking our spring and summer items, sorting through boxes full of spring jackets, tennis shoes, and baseball caps. This past weekend I gave my children 3 totes, had them make labels for each one, and asked them to take everything out of their rooms, put it in a big pile, and start sorting through clothes, toys, shoes, papers, and backpacks.

The first tote was labeled “throw away,” in which they were to get rid of everything that was broken, old papers, irreparable items, or anything didn’t have a match or part of pair and toss it in the appropriate bin.

The second label was “give away,” and in this tote they were asked to put all these items in there that were too small, or they didn’t play with, and haven’t used in the past 6 months.

The last box, was labeled “keep,” and in this went things that they couldn’t absolutely part with, things they still wear, items that had sentimental value, and current papers, art and other precious things.

Going in, I knew the “keep” box was going to be overflowing, and the other boxes, not so much. We have a tendency to hoard things that have little to no value and even things that have nominal value, but no place in our homes. I’m a proponent of the saying that goes, “everything has its place,” and if it doesn’t I toss it. I did the same thing for almost everything in my house, things like too many dishes, too many jackets that are out of style, hoping one day they will come back in.

My children were trying to keep things like stuffed animals with the cotton coming out, baby toys that they were too old to play with, missing decks of cards, dolls with missing limbs, race cars with missing wheels, and ripped jeans. I had to go back and re-sort everything.

As I was doing that it got me thinking about us as women.

We have so much baggage, we hold onto so many things that hold us back. We go into new relationships with so many boxes full of things that we should have thrown away, or given away, or we end up keeping things that aren’t worth keeping.

We hold on to bad habits, bad decisions, hurt, pain, disappointment, dissatisfaction, and feelings of despair. Instead of placing all those bad life experiences into the throw away box, we end up keeping those as well, and letting them overflow into our entire lives, then we expect the next person to come by and do the cleaning up for us. We expect our future husbands or spouses to take all of our broken issues, damaged feelings, unresolved hurts and expect them to know where to file them. We don’t even provide the courtesy of sorting things first; we just dump everything into one big pile and walk away.

How unfair is that?

Wouldn’t it be wiser for us to start parceling through our own baggage?

Would you yourself sift through another person’s trash? Even if you loved that person, you would do so with trepidation and drudgingly. But at some point you might get overwhelmed, throw in the towel and find someone with less debris, someone who at least has their baggage in storage. We have to start the healing process before we can move on with our lives.

In the historic Saviours’ Day address given by the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan on October 9, 1993 at the Los Angeles Sports Arena, he said, “Healing is to make healthy; to make whole or sound; to restore to health; to free from ailment. To repair is to heal. To reconcile is to heal. To settle your differences is to heal. To free from evil, to cleanse, to purify is to heal. To affect a cure is to heal. But you can’t have a healing without medicine, and you can’t have medicine without a doctor. If the whole world needs a healing, where is ‘the medicine,’ and who is ‘the doctor?’

“Have you noticed that polluted streams cleanse themselves if they keep running? Have you noticed nature heals itself? In nature, the sun draws polluted water up from the earth; but the sun purifies the water as it draws it closer and closer to itself. That which in its original state was dirty and corrupt, the sun purifies it. It is inevitable that from all of our traditions, whether that is the Native Americans, Chicanos, Mayans, Aztecs, Toltec’s, Olmec’s, African traditions or the teachings from Abraham to Muhammad, nature, or the God of Nature, will ultimately effect a healing on the Human Family of the Earth. In time, we will all be made whole.”

As you’re doing some spring cleaning in your home, try doing the same in your temple, your mind, your body and soul. Because that is the most important house of all. And like most major cleaning and de-cluttering projects, start at the bottom or back, and work yourself to the front. Start with the filthiest, dirtiest area, and improve on that, and watch the other areas become even easier to clean and manage.

Everyone loves walking into a clean, clutter-free home. Your mind is at ease, you feel better, you can relax, and all is well with the world. But it takes time, hard work, and endurance, remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. In the words of Author Steve Goodier, “My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”

May Allah bless us all with the wisdom to sort through the issues from our past, that they may not affect our future. May we find the tools needed to help us become, better, wiser, and stronger individuals, and may He bless us to be a blessing to others.

Final Call production assistant Laila Muhammad is also a Chicago-based writer and videographer.

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