by Nisa Islam Muhammad
Staff Writer

WASHINGTON (FinalCall.com)�Thomas Read, a 21-year-old single dad with a four year old and his second baby on the way, is a good example of the dilemma facing the fatherhood movement.

He was recently recognized at the Fourth Annual International Fatherhood Conference with a "Spirit of Fatherhood" award for turning his life around and developing a great relationship with his son, Dezmond.

That�s good, but Thabiti Boone, author, national activist and fatherhood advocate who watched Mr. Read get his award, asks, "Why do we keep rewarding single fathers? We have to stop praising fathers for doing what�s expected with their children. We have to praise fathers for marrying the mother of their children. That�s something to reward these days."

When asked about marriage, Mr. Read looked puzzled, saying, "I�m thinking about it."

When asked if he planned on marrying the mother of either his born and unborn children, he said, "I don�t know but I do plan on being involved in the life of my children."

Being involved in the lives of their children is a standard issue answer for those in the fatherhood movement, but where does being someone�s husband enter the picture?

"Marriage is an individual decision," explained Dr. Jefferey M. Johnson, president and CEO of the National Center for Strategic Nonprofit Planning and Community Leadership (NPCL), which sponsored the International Fatherhood Conference. "It is the ideal circumstance for raising children but where marriage is not possible, team parenting is an option. Marriage is a choice, team parenting is not."

But oddly, marriage was not a workshop option at the International Fatherhood Conference. Workshop selections ranged from "Co-parenting" to "Child Support 101" to "How to be a Better Man."

"While marriage was not a workshop topic, it was talked about here," said Dr. Johnson. "No one can deny the fact that marriage is something to aspire to. We help our clients aspire to their dreams. If marriage is a part of their dreams, we help them to get there."

Mr. Boone disagrees with that approach. "If marriage was instituted properly, many of these fatherhood programs would be out of business. As long as men think they�ll be pacified for what they don�t do, they won�t do it."

"We need funding for counseling, developing and maintaining relationships instead of maintaining divided homes," he said.

In America, marriage is a social institution in need of restoration. In the Black community with out of wedlock births at more than 70 percent, more and more people are bringing marriage into the discussion with fathers.

"If we don�t tell them they need to get married, how will they know?" said Rozario Slack, director of Fathering and Urban Initiatives for First Things First. "I�ve accomplished more in the last nine years because I have a wife expecting me to do something. If I was single and had children by different women, I�d have baby mama drama and I�d be staying the same."

According to the 2000 U.S. census, there were two million single fathers, up from 393,000 in 1970. There was roughly one single father for every five single mothers
in 2000, compared with about one for every nine in 1970.

Among these fathers, 10 percent were raising three or more of their own children under 18. Forty five percent were divorced; 34 percent had never married; 17 percent were
married with an absent spouse; and 4 percent were widowed.

The issue of fathers is also a concern of President Bush. His budget for the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) requests $20 million to launch a new initiative to promote responsible fatherhood and healthy marriages.

Most of the money would be awarded in competitive grants to faith-based and community organizations for skill-based marriage and parenting education, job training and other services that help fathers provide emotional and financial support to their children.

"Our job is to encourage the formation and maintenance of healthy two-parent, married families and responsible fatherhood" as one of the goals of the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program (TANF), explained Dr. Wade F. Horn, assistant secretary for Children and Families at HHS.

"The cry has come to the frontlines for us to address this issue," said Tyrone Parker, director of the Alliance of Concerned Men. "Our community has suffered without marriage, especially our boys. The lack of not having male role models in the home has created problems.

"The incarcerated population is full of young men who didn�t have the benefit of married parents in their home. We can say marriage is not a necessity but it is a necessity if you subscribe to a perfect order," he said.

At the Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization under the direction of Charles Ballard, marriage and fatherhood go hand in hand, or rather door to door.

"A significant part of our work is helping fathers develop the best relationship with their children�s mother. We discuss marriage and guide them to be successful in their decision to marry. Children do better within marriage. We know this, the statistics show this and we promote this," Mr Ballard said.