By
any name, Father is love
by Saeed Shabazz
Staff Writer |
Whether you call him dad, daddy, pops, papa, Baba or
some other term of endearment, father is the single most important male
in a child�s life. Today more and more Black men are realizing this
role with star quality performances.
"More than ever father involvement is critical
to our society�s present and future well-being," said Ron J.
Clark, director of the Virginia Fatherhood Campaign.
Whether in the home, non-custodial or raising their
children by themselves, fathers are overcoming obstacles, hurdles and
the tremendous feat of doing their daughter�s hair to be worthy of
recognition.
The Million Man March in 1995 brought the issue of
strong Black fatherhood to the nation�s attention.
"The pledge given to the men by the Honorable
Minister Louis Farrakhan made them more responsible for the upliftment
of fatherhood, the reconciliation of their differences as fathers and
atonement for their misdeeds in the past as fathers," said Min.
Benjamin Muhammad, the march�s director then as Rev. Benjamin Chavis.
"As we continue to lift fatherhood for the
Million Family March, we will also lift motherhood. In order to
strengthen communities, we have to strengthen families. In order to
strengthen families we must strengthen fathers and mothers," said
Min. Benjamin, east coast regional minister and director of the Million
Family March.
In 1996, according to the Census Bureau, only 33
percent of Black children lived with both parents. That number is less
than half of what it was in 1960 when 67 percent of Black children lived
with both parents.
A 1996 Gallup Poll revealed that 90.3 percent of
Americans agree that fathers make a unique contribution to their
children�s lives.
The joys of fatherhood
"It�s not easy being a father but I wouldn�t trade it for
anything. Sometimes I just want to leave but when I look at my children
and wonder who will raise them, who will give them my values and morals,
I just make up my mind that it has to be me and it has to be me in the
home," explained David Harris of Baltimore, Md.
Joe Jones is the founder, CEO and president of the
Center for Families and Workforce Development in Baltimore, Md. Sounds
like a busy job but at a June fatherhood conference in Washington, D.C.,
Mr. Jones reminded the audience of the importance of being a father.
" I may have a lot to do but nothing stops me
from spending time with my family, from being with my children at soccer
games, volley ball games and little league. That�s my job," he
said.
James Alexander, of Raleigh, N.C., enjoys being a
father so much that when he saw his daughter having trouble, he helped
out by rescuing her children. They now live with him and his wife.
"We�ve raised them since birth. That�s why I
have them because I saw the need for them to have a father in their
life. I take them to school, I play with them and we have a lot of fun
together. I feel blessed that God saw me worthy of taking care of these
children," said Mr. Alexander.
According to "Father Facts" by Wade F.
Horn, Ph.D., a child living with both parents is less likely to be poor,
experience educational, health, emotional and psychological problems,
and engage in criminal behavior.
A study by Marc A. Zimmerman, "African-American
Male Teen�s Relationship With Their Father," found boys living
with both biological parents were most likely to cite their fathers as
role models (96 percent), compared to only 44 percent of those not
living with their fathers, and were more likely to stay in school.
While many men struggle with just the concept and
responsibilities of being a father, for decades the Nation of Islam has
helped men realize their potential.
"We are brought back to the issue of who the
real father is and that is Allah (God). He gives us standards in men
such as the Honorable Elijah Muhammad and today the Honorable Minister
Louis Farrakhan. In them we have shining examples of what fatherhood is
all about," said Min. Abdul Khadir Muhammad, mid-Atlantic regional
minister for the Nation of Islam.
"When brothers come to the Nation, we get some
of the worst, all the way to some of the best. We show them all how to
be a man. We teach men how to be responsible heads of households and a
leader of his family. Min. Farrakhan gives us this in Fruit of Islam (F.O.I.)
training," Min. Abdul Khadir added.
Outside the home, still in children�s
lives
Far too often divorce and out of wedlock births find men
outside the homes of their children. Still separation from the mother
doesn�t have to mean no relationship with the children.
"I enjoy by choice having joint custody of my
daughters. This allows me more time and latitude in participating and
assisting in their growth and development," said Earl Phillips of the
Single African American Fathers Exchange, one of several support groups for
men determined to be good fathers.
Joint custody is only utilized by 15.7 percent of all
fathers. Still there are pluses to joint custody, according to Judith Seltzer,
who documented the positives in "Father by Law: Effects of Joint Legal
Custody on Nonresident Father�s Involvement with Children."
In a study of 164 divorced families, she found fathers with
joint legal custody see their children more frequently, have more overnight
visits, and pay more child support than fathers in families where the mother
has sole legal custody.
Daddy as caretaker
Greg Jones wanted a divorce from his wife but not his daughters. He was
entrenched in their day-to-day routines. When the marriage ended, Mr.
Jones took his daughters with him.
As time went on and Mr. Jones became proficient in
braids and bows he knew there had to be other dads facing similar
problems. He started Black Men Raising Girls Alone.
"We tell men the first thing they have to do is to
remove the rancor they have for their daughter�s mother. They have to
get past the anger and get to happiness for their daughter�s sake,"
said Mr. Jones.
"My greatest joy is knowing that my daughter has a
positive image of the first significant man in her life. She can recognize
a man of character and patience because I am in her life. Without me, she
wouldn�t be able to recognize a man of integrity," he said.
Among activists and fathers there is a movement to help
men handle their responsibility. Programs need to help men be better
fathers, not just punish them, if they fall short, some argue.
"One of the biggest barriers is the government
agencies calling themselves helping families when sometimes they do more
harm than good," said James Alexander of Raleigh, N.C., who is
raising his grandchildren.
"There are a lot of barriers set up so fathers can
fail, like unemployment and underemployment. I work with homeless men who
are on the bottom. They feel bad when they can�t do for themselves much
less their children. In our program we make the fathers feel good by
helping them get a job," said Chris Battle of the United Community
Ministries in Rocky Mount, N.C.
"According to the teachings of the Most Honorable
Elijah Muhammad, the role of the father is to provide for his family,
making sure they are safe and secure," said Min. Ishmael Muhammad,
assistant to Min. Farrakhan at Mosque Maryam in Chicago.
During slavery and afterward, there has been an effort
to break up the Black family and keep the family in a state of crisis,
said Min. Ishmael, a son of the Hon. Elijah Muhammad. Those efforts have
resulted in the problems seen today, he argued.
Min. Farrakhan has recently started a series of
articles about family, marriage and the divine purpose for unions between
men and women, said Min. Ishmael.
"Min. Farrakhan is refocusing our attention on
family because in reality service to God is service to family. If we are
not found serving our family, strengthening the bonds of relationship in
the family, then really our worship of God is in vain and it�s all
selfish. The man will never be successful in fulfilling his responsibility
and purpose in life without a proper connection with God," he said. |
