The Final Call

Death and the appreciation of Life!

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It seems as though a lot of our loved ones, friends, and acquaintances have lost their lives in their prime. One day we are sitting around laughing, exchanging hugs, or waving at them and the next we are sifting through pictures and remembering their goodness. We are replaying petty arguments and disagreements we had, regretting the times we hurt them, and wishing for one more day to just tell them how much we love them, how sorry we are, and how much they mean to us.

Death affects us all in different ways. We all handle it differently. We all ache differently.

I was 20 years old when my brother was murdered on the streets of Chicago. We were best friends; we shared the bond that siblings share growing up in a big family. We were born a year apart and we had each others’ back. From fights in school to him teaching me to ride a bike, me doing his algebra homework, we always looked out for each other. Then one day, we got the news, that he had passed and I think I took it the hardest. I haven’t been quite the same since. Yes I questioned God, I was angry, sad, depressed, and I blamed everyone from my parents to this broken and wicked justice system.

Only years later did I really understand that no matter what role anyone had in his death, my feelings came from unresolved issues between us, things I never said, apologies I was meaning to give, and words that I thought but that were never spoken. So a rush of emotions overpowered me because that was time I could never get back, regrets that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. But even as I write these words, I’m staring into a picture of his son, who reminds me so much of him, not just physically, but his mannerisms, his sense of humor, and his sensitivity that he hid behind a tough exterior, and I’m feeling a sense of peace, and calm. I also get a chance to do it right and pay it forward through my nephew, who asks me to tell him stories of his dad when he was alive. We sit around and laugh, and remember the good in my brother.

You’re never the same after the loss of a parent, sibling or child. Perhaps more so, the loss of a spouse. These are the people we have chosen to spend the rest of our lives with. The ones we call our soul mates, who we share our deepest and intimate secrets with, our childhood memories, pains and joys. We plan our futures with them and hopefully create new life with them. This has got to be the most, indescribable pain one can ever go through and I suppose only those who have gone through it really understand the depth of the heartache.

In a Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as reported by Bukhari 7:254, narrated Um ‘Atiyya said: 

“We were forbidden to mourn for more than three days for a dead person, except for a husband (spouse), for whom a wife should mourn for four months and ten days.”

I’m asking us to cherish each and every moment we have with our families, spouses, and loved ones, because we never know when it’s our last moment. In the grand scheme of things, when we are laying them to rest, praying that Allah (God) was pleased with them, and their spirit is returned to Him, I hope that we have all added joy to their lives.

No man knows the appointed hour or time of his death. While we are alive today, take a few moments out of the hustle and bustle, call that person, and simply say, “I love you, I appreciate you, I need you, and I’m sorry for any pain I have caused you.”

May Allah (God) bless us all to get through the moments of intense pain and remember that this life is only a transitory life. May Allah (God) surround us with people to help us through our despair, allow us to go through the cycle, and come back renewed. May this test we go through become a testimony for others. And I pray that we take time to really and sincerely reach out and atone with all those we have wronged, or have offended us.

Final Call production assistant Laila Muhammad is also a Chicago-based writer and videographer.